|analytical Q||May-Aug 2000||Sept-Dec 2000||Contact||Discussion|
WHO IS WATCHING WHOM?
Tonight is the much celebrated Halloween. I remember being extremely nervous when the doorbell rang last year. I opened the door to a group of trick-or-treating kids all dressed in costume. "Frances!" I called out to her. "What do I do? We don't have any candy!" We had planned to go out for dinner, to escape this embarrassing scene - but the kids arrived early.
"Treat !" I improvised. I invited them all in and started playing one of my compositions. The kids' faces fell. My sister came out of the bathroom and shoved me aside. "Play something fun!" she cried as she pounded the octaves in the thundering Tchaikovsky piano concerto first movement. By this time, the kids meekly left the house, one by one.
Tonight I won't even bother opening the door. The chance of anyone trick or treating in London is remote. I shall instead play my latest composition "Watching Together," which is dedicated to someone I've never met. It's a tale about a father and a daughter who no longer walk this earth. After reading the book Many Lives, Many Masters, I'm sure they are either watching us tonight - or participating in our rituals.
I hope they come hear me play as it took me a week to get the accompaniment off the ground. I wrote the introduction first and became mesmerised by the eerie quality, as if a ghost was guiding me. In fact, I'm pretty sure they are watching us - probably not me in particular - but most definitely the children who are trick or treating tonight. Perhaps they are even guarding them against the cause of their own deaths.
When I learned of Billy Brightwell's death, I asked myself
why would anyone leave a 15 to 20 page suicide note?
why would anyone put a gun in his mouth when he had not completed his search (for the cause of his daughter's disappearance)?
why was the police so quick to diagnose a suicide verdict?
I've read about people who have severe depression. While they may think about suicide a lot, do they actually have the willpower to commit the final act?