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Bon Journal

Hot then cold

Still waters run deep.

Lukewarm water lasts the long haul.

My mother said once, "Don't go hot and then cold."

It's so easy to get excited about something and someone. Americans tend to exhibit this behaviour more than the Europeans, who prefer to take their time.

But does getting hot necessarily mean turning cold quickly and easily?

In relationships I know about, the passion could ride for a long time. Yet to last forever, my mother said, you should walk parallel paths - never touching. Indeed, parallel lines can go on forever.

I hypothesized the triangular relationship between frequency, duration, and intensity. An intense relationship, by law of physics, could never last as long as a lukewarm one. Similarly, frequent but short interactions may last longer than frequent but long interactions OR infrequent but short interactions.

The mind and the heart are not always in sync. The mind is in the "should" and "ought" mode. The heart asks pleasure first (from the movie The Piano). So the heart wants to play, please and be pleased. The mind is dutiful and responsible.

For those of us trained in rational analysis, in pursuit of the developing the mind to the fullest, it is easy to win over the heart. Just shut up, the mind says.

A wise classmate said to me in 1986 when I had to choose between staying in the US or moving to London for my post-graduate education. He said, "Use your mind to follow your heart."

My heart was set on exploring places I've never been.

In the end, the heart rules.

And when I've found my heart, I would have found my home. For home is where the heart is.

5 July 2001

Home is where the heart is