SOCIAL STUDIES: Some Useful Definitions
courtesy of A. Henney, Dec 2001
FEUDALISM
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.
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FASCISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you
the milk.
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PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help take care of them and you all share the milk.
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APPLIED COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
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TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows.
The government takes them both and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
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PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
You and your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
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REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
MEXICAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
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EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The EU commission decides which regulations for feeding and milking apply.
If there aren't any, they invent some.
They pay you not to milk the cows.
They take both cows, shoot one, milk the other and pour the milk down
the drain.
They then require you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
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AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures.
The press dubs the affair "cowgate," but supports the president.
The cows sue you for breach of contract.
Your legal bills exceed your annual income.
You settle out of court and declare bankruptcy.
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CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
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ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/
equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the
six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all
seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
14-part story to explain this
...Italian Democracy (Post-war)
You have two cows. You pay one in tax. The Government nationalises the
other
one. Milking services are put out for tender and are awarded to whoever
milks is the best at milking (the system, not the cows). Eventually the
two
cows are privatised.
Italian Democracy (Contemporary)
You have two cows. The General Elections produce a new Parliamentary
majority and a new Government. The new Government dislikes your cows because
they were producing milk under the previous Government. The Government
offers you to exchenge your two cows for new ones of its choice.
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