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Bon Journal

Living together

Those of us who have never been married spend an awful lot of time speculating what it's like being married.

We wonder if all married people are happy, and if so, for how long. We wonder what it takes for a marriage to be made in heaven. We speculate whether certain marriages would work out. We guess the reasons for that.

I say it has to do with being ready. Timing is everything. Both parties need to believe in each other and in the commitment. Both parties need to commit.

Today, my equally unmarried friend sent me the following via instant messenger:

"Don't marry someone you can live with.

Marry someone you can't live without."

I suppose this explains why living together is not a good idea. I read a report somewhere that said couples who live together before getting married don't always stay married afterwards. Living together is convenient. But a marriage of convenience doesn't always work out.

And living together, I suppose, is awfully convenient.

22 April 2002 Monday

Reaction from a regular visitor, who is obviously married:

Unmarried women speculating about married life - hah! speculate no more. Is the institution of marriage such a big deal after all ? Does the contract with the "MRS" entitlement necessarily spell contentment ? Different people sign it for different reasons, so just ask yourself what's yours ?
Why the urge to merge ?

Is it about the institution of marriage, or is it really the assurance, confidence, and dependence of a companion and the contentment of being surrounded by offsprings ?

In today's time challenged, convenience centric, and privacy valued world, commitment by marriage is an utter inconvenience, it's the biggest psychological and physiological clutter you can ever ask for in life, especially if you have lived half your life expectancy in privacy, then the "urge to merge" may call for sacrifices just too much for some. It's lonelier to live with the wrong partner than to live alone.

If two people are truly meant for each other, there's nothing to stop them from being able to live together happily ever after, and raise their children and grandchildren, and share a life of fulfilled and blessed contentment, with or without a contract. That contract never guarantees mutual fidelity in the first place, nor assures dependence.

The only uncertainty is about late childbirth for the female partner. I guess that's where males are "one up" on the females.

If I could redo it, I'd like the best of both worlds, really. Much better to be happily sinning and winning than to lead a righteously wretched life.