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Bon Journal

Blacker than grey

After consecutive highs, it's normal to hit a low. But can one phone call disturb the party mood?

Today was overcast, with grey clouds hovering around the sun. I cycled to see a new neighbour. But my heart was as black as death.

Feelings come before realisation. Sometimes you feel something, don't know what it is, and you can't explain it until you verbalise it. Even so, you might not find the words for it.

This morning I felt as if I've woken up from the dead, a zombie on a bicycle in a foreign land of the living.

My neighbour had an ill husband to attend to. The occasion was hardly ideal for an unannounced cyclist to drop in. Yet seeing her cluttered house and evidence of a busy schedule made me realise that I've got it reasonably good.

I have no sick husband to attend to. I have time to declutter every weekend, especially since I stopped travelling. Everything is in order, except what the eye does not see.

In her chaos, my neighbour imparted words of wisdom. She said,"You have gone through so much to get to where you are. You finally got yourself settled and established here. Do you really want to uproot and move somewhere else and start all over again?"

She's right. The older you get, the more sensible you should become. We all have fantasies of escaping from our daily existence. Just give up everything, get up, and leave.

Not everything is black and white. And in this case, it's greyer than black.

14 April 2002 Sunday

Related links:

The black hole syndrome

Dark moods