analytical Q May-Aug 2000 Sept-Dec 2000 Contact Discussion

The Diary
Anne Ku

19 November 2000 Sunday





Only last week I was stuck. I procrastinated. I distracted myself by playing the piano and composing. I held my cat longer than he liked. I sighed and heaved. I dragged my feet.

This week the pressure was on. When you're forced to do it, against tight deadline, you face defeat. Suddenly you switch gears and "it comes to you."

My high school history teacher Miss James had a favourite saying. She advised us not to believe in "it will come to me." Over the years, I've wondered whether she meant "don't procrastinate" or "don't expect osmosis will work."

I've been doing so much reading, but still didn't feel comfortable to digest and regurgitate, until I got whipped into action. Suddenly, it all came to me. I was on a roll.

I sat down and wrote it all out, from my stomach. No longer following any books, journals, notes, or printouts, I had it all in my head. Once the words came out, I felt relieved.

The next morning I looked at what I wrote and decided there was more I could write and change. It was original stuff. Perhaps that was the difference. Previously I was merely extracting other people's words and trying to put the parts together like a jigsaw pattern. I didn't feel ownership or any commitment to the badly put-together jigsaw.

Now that I'm on a roll, I can't stop. HELP! It's 1:25 am and I'm ahead of myself in my diary!

Related diary entries:
Today's Deadline
Work Related Stress