Bon Journal

Sibling rivalry

When the second one comes along, it is expected that the combination of separation anxiety (from the mother) and sibling rivalry would cause the oldest child to feel insecure. I've witnessed that in my friend's daughters who are only sixteen months apart. Naturally the older child develops attention-seeking behaviour which can be good or bad.

It doesn't help if parents compare the two to each other even if their intention is good. Comparison causes competition which causes a greater divide. If you want your child to be poorly behaved, just compare him or her to the well-behaved sibling.

Sibling rivalry is just that --- you don't want to be just like your sister. You want to be different.

Perhaps that explains why and how my sister and my brother have turned out so differently from myself.

While I pursued mathematics and engineering, my sister excelled in the arts and humanities. While I went for secure jobs in big companies, my sister chose to work for herself.

Ironically, my brother was going to follow in my footsteps until he saw the movie "Wall Street." From then onwards, he deliberately steered a path totally different from my own.

The way we spend our time shows our priorities. While my sister spends most of her time painting or selling her art, I spend most of mine playing the piano or travelling. While my brother spends his free time surfing the Web for bargains, I spend mine surfing for interesting information to put on my website.

We live in such different environments, too. My brother prefers the stability and continuity of being in one place, developing long lasting relationships while I enjoy the spontaneity of the new and the diverse. My sister, meanwhile, caters to tourists who come and ago, having chosen to live in an island paradise.

Although we grew up together, we've developed different tastes when it comes to food. When we order steak, my brother prefers it rare, I like mine medium or medium rare, and my sister cannot have hers less than well-done.

One thing we do rival on is sense of humour. When the three of us get together, it's like a stand-up comedy show. You can't beat the explosive combination of my corny observations, my sister's animated exaggerations, and my brother's dry humour.

16 September 2003 Tuesday

That was then:

And then:

This is now: