Bon Journal

To each her own

Those in my parents' generation spend more time with and rely more on their family members than we do. I spend more time with my friends than with my family, not to speak of my parents' relatives. Naturally my close girl friends are as important as mother and sister. And my close male friends are like my brother and father.

It's thus disconcerting when I start to drift apart from my girl friends because we no longer share the same interests as before. For those going through new parenthood, their attention is monopolised by their newborn babies. They are on auto-pilot, waking up each day to the demands of their kids. I can hardly expect them to empathise with the life decisions I'm currently contemplating. It would seem too much of a luxury and triviality to weave what-if scenarios when a baby is crying.

Similarly, my friend whose birthday it is today has something I'm still striving to obtain --- financial security until retirement and free time to read the Sunday newspapers. She has a solid career, good friends, and supportive family living close by. Regular visits to her ace health club ensure that she's healthy and fit. What more could a single, independent woman of our generation want?

Between these two extremes -- personal time-poor and the personal time-rich -- lie girl friends who are single and always busy. What is the best way to spend our time? Do we have a choice? One friend wants motherhood and family. She's got it. Another wants a career and financial security. She's got it.

What about me? I want love and belonging --- and that is how I spend my time.

7 September 2003 Sunday