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my ginger tomcat

Bon Journal

All out of love

When I was a lovesick teenager, I liked to listen to Air Supply to sleep. Their love songs were the epitome of what I thought happened between adults.

One of my favourite songs was "all out of love." I never quite knew whether it meant: I don't have any more love for you OR I 'm doing this all out of love.

The song - "the greatest love of all" - and the book - "what you feel you can heal" - both say that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Well, yesterday I was feeling little if any love for myself. Consumed by work, I felt there was little room for me. All work and no play dulled my senses. All I felt was this huge burden on my shoulders.

On the way home, I stopped by my neighbours. I hadn't visited them in a year - and they had forgotten my name. Nevertheless, they invited me in and greeted me with a kindness which injected a little love back into my life.

Feeling more confident, I stopped by another neighbour's place. This lady had visited me once before to tell me that my cat was acting a bit depressed. We had never met before, and I was surprised that she had bothered.

It was good that I visited. She and her boyfriend were nice. We three had so much in common. And it turned out that my cat had been at her place all this time. My cat only returned home to eat, barely acknowledging me at all.

Without my cat, I was even more out of love.

Yes, I agree, it's hard to love when you don't feel any love for yourself or your cat.

Maybe if I chill out, that love will come back.

Maybe when that love comes back, I will have more love for others.

Including my cat.

20 June 2001

I'm all out of love,
I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love,
what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong
- Air Supply