The Diary
of
Anne Ku

30 January 2001 Tuesday

TIRED TO TEARS

What do men do when they are too exhausted and burnt out? Sit in front of the television and drink beer? I don't know. But I do know that women cry.

Just hearing a familiar old tune on the radio today brought tears to my eyes. I sobbed like some tragic heroine in an epic movie. Yet the sky was blue and the sun smiling as if it was spring. What contrast indeed!

I remember years ago, my Italian office mate and I both cried in our basement office. The doctoral programme was so unbearably difficult. We were both tired of living the uncertainty and the long journey with no end in sight.

Fortunately today, an empathetic colleague noticed my demeanor. We took a walk outside, to a nearby park. "Why do you keep yourself so busy? " I used to think I was bragging about being busy. It meant that I was a worthwhile human being, doing something important in this world. But lately, I've started wondering whether I'm running away from something far more important.

Yesterday

Tomorrow

From my father 2 Feb:

It seems you are keeping yourself busy all these days to run away from something--marriage? So your busy activities, jetsetting, meetings, appointments, projects, programs, dinner parties, website, diary, answering emails, etc are all your havens.

30 Jan:

Today Iread at a stroke your journals from Jan 11 up to 29. You have made great progress in ending each of your diary pages. They also tell your inner feelings! While reading them, I feel as if I were standing by and looking on your activities on your journey.